


I am Garal Ket

by Chelonie



Category: Imperial Radch Series - Ann Leckie, Provenance - Ann Leckie
Genre: Canon Compliant, Danach is a shit, Dissociation, Found Family, Gaslighting, Gen, Non-explicit memories of Compassionate Removal, POV Canon Character, PTSD, Prison, reference to parental abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 10:19:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15071075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelonie/pseuds/Chelonie
Summary: The murder of Excellency Zat, and Pahlad/Garal's detention, from Garal's pov.





	I am Garal Ket

**Author's Note:**

> (Garal and Ingray may not remember dialog exactly the same, but this is basically canon-compliant.)

Danach is being a shit, so I turn to Hevom instead, while Ingray goes to fetch Zat for lunch. Knowing that Hevom isn't at all interested in the ruin glass or the present expedition, I raise the topic of Federacy politics. Hevom is not very talkative, but this does, however, remind Danach that Hevom and Zat are donating large sums of money to Netano's own political fortunes, and that _perhaps_ he should behave like a rising political heir instead of a sulky child. He joins in the conversation with pretended goodwill, even though it's obvious that not one of the three of us wants to be having it.

The hike up to the top of the hill is about ten minutes for someone who's able-bodied and fit, and Ingray seems both. Not athletic, but able to walk 9 kilometres in the rain without collapsing. I wonder what is taking so long. Perhaps Zat is reluctant to come away. Though there is nothing stopping her going back up the hill after lunch is over.

 _That's not it._ I think. Something is wrong. Instincts I didn't have before CR are twigging. Hevom's breathing has gone quick, and he keeps stealing quick glances where the trail to the hilltop comes out. Then at Danach and me. Then back at the trail. _He's waiting for something._

When Ingray emerges from the trail, Danach says, "Finally, now we can eat." He doesn't even see the shellshocked expression on his sister's face. That would require him to actually think about someone besides himself, which doesn't seem to be in his skillset

I step towards Ingray, already knowing that Zat isn't behind her. Zat is either dead or dying. Probably dead. Ingray would have stayed with her and sent a message for help if there had been hope of saving Zat. Anyone can be overcome in an emergency, but I don't think Ingray is the type.

"Ingray?" I need to give her the opening to say the words. And I need to watch Hevom while she says them.

"Excellency... Excellency Zat is... dead. Killed."

"What?" Danach said. "Are you sure?" His tone is the most scornful imaginable, as if Ingray can't be trusted to tell the difference between alive and dead. Between Zat and Not-Zat.  _Nobody deserves CR. But I could be down with Danach Aughskold spending maybe two nights there._

While Danach is gaslighting, Hevom is doing his best to pretend shock and denial. I know part of it reads false to me because he is Omkem. A Hwaean in grief would have cried out the person's name, would have asked questions, would have demanded to see them. An Omkem will process sudden grief differently because of their strange taboos. So even if he is utterly innocent, he would look odd to us Hwaeans.

But he isn't innocent. I'm sure of it. He hated Zat. He'd let his venom slip earlier, in front of me and Ingray. He'd been watching for Ingray to announce the death, either by message or in person. And of course he is the only person here with a motive. Danach would want Zat alive and contributing to Netano's campaign. Ingray had met the woman only last night, and has been with me the whole time. Unless there is someone else at the parkland that we don't know about, the murderer is Hevom.

* * *

Somehow it isn't until we are all detained in the Parkland Safety offices that I realize the danger to myself. I feel myself dissociate and I don't even try to stop it. I need my mask on for this. If I panic, it will seal my guilt in the minds of everyone present, once my true identity comes out. And it will.

_This probably isn't even real. I probably never left CR. Being rescued by an Aughskold and flown back to Hwae by a Geck is too fantastic to have really happened._

_I wish I was still back onboard Tic's ship. I remember playing counters with the spider mechs when I couldn't sleep... I would usually find a couple of protein bars in my room in the morning._

The young assistant officer finds the knife I've stolen from Ingray's house. It is a really nice knife. I could have gotten a lot of food for it in CR. Or _taken_ food with it. That's shameful, but then I would still have the knife. I would have done the latter. _Had_ done the latter.

"It matches the wound." Taucris says.

And after that, it is inevitable. I am going back to CR.

I wish there was some way I could take the knife. 

I hope I can find a way to hurt Ethiat before I go.

* * *

I never expect to see Ingray Aughskhold again. But the next morning, after a night spent shaking and sleepless, a guard surprises me with the news that she wants to see me.

"Do you want to talk to her, Mx Budrakim?"

I should say no. I know that. If anyone finds out what she did, she will be in dire trouble. Her mother will probably not protect her. I think that if (when) I go back, it will be so much harder for me to get in with any allies again. I'll have lost any trust I'd built up before. And having had a taste of freedom, even mostly confined to a spaceship, will make it hurt the worse to lose it. I could scream at her for her inadvertent cruelty in making my situation somehow worse.

But it has been so precious to be free, and at peace. Ingray took me out of the prison that Ethiat put me in. And she is here to see me, despite the lies I'd told her.

"Yes. I'll see her."

* * *

"I couldn't just leave you here. Especially when I realized I owed you for stepping on Danach's foot that one time." Ingray says.

 _I owe you_. No one has ever said that to me. _You owe me_ I've heard plenty. From Ethiat, from countless other inmates in CR. It was a privilege to be allowed to eat, no matter how hard I'd worked or what favours I'd given to the person dispensing the food. To Ethiat, it was a privilege to be allowed to be a Budrakim when I had come from a public creche instead of from his DNA. It had cost Ingray all her money to get me out of CR, and she had never hinted that I owed her anything for it.

 _Ingray is a good person_ , I think. Not for the first time. _She wouldn't last a week in CR._

It is hard for me to ask. Asking for favours is weakness. It gives other people tools to use against you. Even knowing that Ingray isn't like that, it is still hard. But I _need_ those nutrient bars. Even a few days worth of them would let me hike as far as the Usten Farm. Ten of them would let me get to Likine. The farther the farms are from prisoner intake, the better they treat their worker-slaves. Assuming I don't get jumped and robbed of them all at once. But the bandits will be expecting someone green. No one I'd ever heard of had escaped CR and been returned. I have a good chance of making it through the entry gauntlet with my property intact. Maybe 50/50. Not like last time.

"Would you also be here when my... when Ethiat Budrakim talks to me? I don't want to talk to him alone. Ever." I'd hoped for more time – for years – to plan my revenge on Ethiat. That was why I'd finally decided to return. But the only way now to make Ethiat pay is to get my story out. And maybe, if Ingray is here – if an _Aughskold_  is here – it will reach the news services.

(If there is part of me that is still frightened of a parent that had been at turns tyrannical, affectionate, and abusive, I won't think about that.)

It is barely an hour later that I have to face down the Prolocutor, and I am so dissociated that I feel like I am watching the whole thing from the ceiling. _Where did Pahlad learn to talk to eir father like that?_ I wonder. _I wish e had done that before CR happened._

Once the wall becomes a wall again, I go numb. My threat to boast to all the guards about the vestiges seems hollow. I let myself be led back to my cell without a word.

Lunch is brought to me – a bowl of noodles and two wraps, when one wrap alone would have seemed the normal portion. I try to catch the guard's eye, but she looks away, embarrassed. Pitying. 

After eating the lunch (both wraps and every noodle), ashamed but grateful, I try to watch an entertainment on the small vid in my cell, but I can't focus on the plotlines on any of the options. None of the problems these imaginary people are facing seem real. _No one cares whether you adopt or have a biological child! Tell your nother that you are the one who wrecked the aircar! Ask the man out if you like him!_ I finally settle on an imported Radchaii entertainment. It is obviously the real thing because of the ease in which everyone is able to use eating utensils whilst wearing gloves, and because the storyline, even with subtitles, is utterly inscrutable. At least it has some nice songs. I might as well enjoy professional music while I have it.

Later there's a knock on the door. "Mx Budrakim? You have another... visitor?" The guard sounds very uncertain. Not at all like she had sounded when she had announced Ingray or the Prolocutor. "The Geck Ambassador wants to see you. I know we said before that you could refuse any visitor, but, Excellency, this is the Geck, and there's the Treaty! We really can't tell her no..."

I reach into myself, pull out the mask I've been wearing for the public. "No, of course not. I'll be happy to talk to the Geck Ambassador."

Ingray is there again, as well as the Deputy Chief. I greet them all, then say "I'm afraid, Ambassador, that I have no idea where Captain Uisine is. So I won't be able to help you with that."

The spider mech waves a claw, then points it at me. "You are Geck," it says.

That wave. I know that wave. Whenever I caught Tic cheating at counters, the spider mech would laugh in that whispery voice and wave it off. Tic was terrible at counters if he didn't cheat. Brilliant when he did. We'd both agreed that cheating was fair play, unless you got caught.

"Am I?" I say, trying to compose myself. _Why is Tic here? How does he know I'm in trouble? Did Ingray message him? Does Ingray even know this is Tic?_

"You are," insists the mech.

"It's complicated," says Deputy Chief Veret.

"I remember Captain Uisine saying that," I say. I wrack my brains trying to remember the conversation. Thinking that perhaps my life depends on it. "If I remember his remarks correctly, I'm guessing the fact that my legal status with a human polity is... ambiguous suggests that under the treaty I might be able to claim citizenship with the Geck? Is that what is being offered?"

"It is," Ingray says.

 _She's in on it. She and Tic are conspiring to get me out._ I have to turn my head this time, blink hard, breathe deeply. They are risking so much for me. I have to keep my mask on a little while longer.

Dissociate.

"Then you plan to petition to have me released into your custody, since because I am a Geck citizen who's broken no laws Planetary Safety has no authority over me."

"There's the false identity," Deputy Chief Veret says.

"That's minor, really," Ingray says. "And the ambassador has already offered to apologize for that and pay a fine."

"This person called Garal Ket is Geck," says the spider mech. Says Tic. "Say it, Garal Ket."

I would accept even _Radchaai_ citizenship to stay out of CR. "I am Geck. And I apologize for coming into the system with a false identity. It was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it. I haven't broken any other laws."

"You came back from Compassionate Removal," points out the deputy chief.

I feel my blood rise. " _No one_ comes back from Compassionate Removal. To enter Compassionate Removal is to die. To lose even the possibility of your name continuing. I can't possibly be the person you seem to think I am." Pahlad Budrakim had wanted eir father's love so much that e was willing to go to CR for him. That person had certainly not returned.

* * *

I am alone after supper, another meal that is suspiciously more generous than expected, when I hear a gentle tap-tap-pause-tap-pause-tap-tap-tap. That was Tic's knock onboard ship. Or rather, the spider mechs' knock. I repeat the measure back, tapping one knuckle on the frame of the bed. A spider mech becomes visible in one corner of the ceiling. It climbs down and sits on the bed next to me. I put my hand out to it, taking one of its claws in my hands, looking into its eyes and I wish I were free to say everything I am feeling. Knowing my mask needs to stay on.

The spider mech clambers onto the wall behind me. "Garal Ket. I have petitioned the committee. Now I will wait here until you come with me."

"Thank you... ambassador," I say. And finally, with Tic watching over me, I am able to sleep.

* * *

It is after lunch the next day before I am released. I thank the Deputy Chief for how professionally I've been treated the last few days, referring obliquely to the extra food portions. I don't know if that was his doing or Taucris's or someone else's, but it was kindly meant. I'm thrilled to see the crowd of news mechs. Ethiat wasn't able to keep the story squelched, and that means the recording of my final interview with my former father will be heard all over. Even if most people believe his side of the story, Netano Aughskold is savvy enough to use that recording to her advantage. Ethiat losing his Prolocutorial seat isn't his career in flames, but it's a start.

"Mx Budrakim! Mx Budrakim!" the news mechs shout. And that's my cue.

"I don't answer to that name. I am Garal Ket."

* * *

 

 


End file.
